There are different ways of living life and being happy. Each one of us has our own definition of a good life. For some it could be achieving fame, for others financial success or power and for some living a simple and quiet life could mean everything. But how many of us stop and honestly ask the question to ourselves “What does a good life mean to me and is that definition really my thought process or is it influenced by people around me or what I consume on social media?”. In my opinion we will find that most of us just go along with the general definition of a successful life. Fame and financial success are given so much importance that it pulls many people into thinking that this is an important aspect of a life well lived. For example, a great corporate career or successful startup with the goal of enough wealth to be able to retire in the 40s seems attractive to so many. This goal is usually with the view that once I have earned enough and retired, I can do what I want. Once I have earned enough I can spend more time with kids, family and friends. But I wonder whether these aspects of how we define success and happiness in life come sequentially or in parallel.
I have tried to explore this question with a few real examples which I have slightly modified. I am not saying anyone of these is a good definition of a happy and successful life. The answer to this I leave to the reader. My endeavor is for people including myself to think about the which plot they relate to the most in their life and does that coincide with their personal definition of a happy and successful life.
Scenario 1: John (fictional character) has it all. He has climbed the corporate ladder and is now the VP at a big organization. Few more years of hard work and he will reach the top. This would mean much more financial benefit which would make him and his family even more comfortable. Not that they can’t afford a good life at this point but he deserves more as he works hard. In his childhood John had seen difficult days due to poverty. And his parents sacrificed everything to ensure John can study well. Now he is reaping the benefits. Rising up the corporate ladder is the game he lives and breathes. He loves his wife and two kids but can’t spend much time with them. He is too tired during weekdays but tries his best to compensate during weekends. He promises himself that once he is satisfied with the financial security he can build for his family he can relax and spend more and more time with his kids. He tells himself that the kids will really need him in their teens. There is still time and he can focus on his career.
Few years later at the age of 52 John has had enough of the corporate career. He has played the game and won at it. He has enough money and can now retire. Infact he wants to retire and spend more time with his family. The relationship with his wife is fine but they tend to live their own lives. There were moments they thought about separating but decided to stay together for the kids. But the kids have now grown and they have a life of their own. John can’t understand why they aren’t able to have a conversation with him for more than few minutes. They always make an excuse and go away. He can see it. Maybe it is the new generation and he doesn’t get it. Or he doesn’t get how to play this game where he is the father. Cause he has never focused on playing it well. John goes back to work and golf with his work colleagues. Work is not as much fun but he doesn’t see many options to keep himself busy. And he needs to be busy, keep his mind occupied else he feels sick and old.
Scenario 2: John has a decent job at a big corporate. He is a good employee, honest and hardworking. He can do more but that would mean lesser time for his family and his other interests. He can’t afford to not spend time on things outside of work. It just doesn’t feel right to him. Growing up in poverty he had seen how his parents struggled to make ends meet but they made sure they spent enough quality time with him and his sister. They were poor but were able to laugh together. Very early on John understood the difference between financial success and happiness. He needed money to give his family a better life than he had but that depended a lot on how his and his wife’s definition of “good life”. They were both aligned that a two bed room apartment and a small car to commute would suffice. They would invest in kid’s education and probably 1-2 trips a year. Rest they wanted time with each other. Be able to have dinner together each evening, read, watch a movie together and spend time with kids. John set boundaries at his organization keeping his overall life in mind. He asked himself whether he can wait to do all the things he wanted to do until he was successful in the eyes of the world. And the answer he always got from his sub-conscious was a resounding “No”. He followed through on this value of balancing all areas of his life each day. It was hard but he didn’t know any other way to live.
Scenario 3: John was very curious. His parents had identified his interest in science and painting very early. Coupled with his curious nature he always had many questions. His parents patiently answered them or helped him quench his thirst for knowledge. They were fine financially so allowed John to follow his own interest. He was an average student in class but excellent at the things he loved. His parents encouraged his interests and ultimately John went on to become a scientific researcher and still loves his painting. He does well financially but doesn’t care much as he keeps himself involved with the topics he loves. His definition of success is being able to do the best scientific work and he finds happiness in painting. He needs nothing else. John decided not to marry as he wanted to fully dedicate his life to research and finds companionship in science, books and painting. And some of his close friends. He feels happy and successful in his own way.
There can be many more different ways of living life. I have written about three which gives a good trend of what I observe around me. How do you define happiness and success in life?
